Pressing In

Sometimes we need people around us when we can’t look past our present circumstances or are choosing to live in the past.

I just came back from a much-needed weekend to hear from God. Sometimes God’s voice comes audibly, though I can’t tell you I’ve ever heard it that way. Most of the time it’s reading his Word and applying it to my life. It’s hearing my inner voice. Sometimes it’s an intense feeling. Sometimes it’s praying and seeing a sudden vision or word. Sometimes the messages come through other people.

I don’t think it’s any secret that our adoption has been denied- twice if I’m being technical. However, God has told us it’s not over. I’ve not once doubted God’s plan, but I guess I’ve been preparing my heart for defeat and the possibility of a new plan that I can’t quite see yet. And it hurts.

I’ve doubted myself. I think perhaps I haven’t been following his path correctly. In the midst of my self-doubt, I have overlooked the way God has led my husband, two organizations, our agency, and so many others on this journey that we are now all a part of. I have completely ignored the way God has led some of the most god-fearing people I know to graciously pray for us, and to give to our boys’ cause. He’s led Josh’s work, my school, our church and most of the children in it to believe this is going to happen. 

Because things have turned ugly, I’ve been thinking I’ve led all of these people astray. But this is not about me. I haven’t been the one getting people to support the boys. I’ve completely discredited God’s power, because this is about Him and what he can do. He hasn’t just been using us to give these precious boys a family. He’s using all of you who are reading this. All this time God is saying, “Daughter, I know it looks hopeless right now, but DO YOU SEE WHO I AM SENDING TO HELP YOU???  I showed you with _____, and _______, and ________, and then again with (insert amazing act of love here). But you continue to ignore it! When will you finally believe that I will fight for you?”

Landscape in South Estonia. Photo by Arne Ader.

To all who are following our journey, I will try to explain our complicated saga.

1. In March we received a letter of denial after we were in the final stretch of completing our adoption of three biological brothers, who we’ve met and loved for over a year now. Much of it is due to our age (27 and 28) and the fact that we have no prior experience in raising children. Our agency believes there are deeper reasons beyond our control, including some recent poor American family examples. The Estonians are worried for their children and only want the best possible situation for them, especially if they are to leave their country. Can I blame them? 

2. Immediately we were advised to hire an Estonian lawyer in one of the largest firms in the Baltic region. They have represented two families in the past. This appeal is to ask the Committee to reconsider their decision.

3. After gathering support letters, our lawyer filed an appeal and after one month of waiting for feedback, we learned that the judge would not give our situation any consideration.

4. We are now filing a 2^nd appeal at Estonia’s district court level to contest that the procedure for our case was not being followed correctly. If we win, the judge must consider our petition again. We will not know the outcome of this 3^rd decision for another 1-3 months. If it ends favorably, it will go back down to steps 3 and then hopefully back to step 1 again for reconsideration.

We have not given a dime to in-country fees to Estonia regarding the adoption. About 1/4 of the total costs have been spent on travel, third party fees, and to our agency. Many have asked about bribes, but I believe Estonians would be offended if we tried to do this. Everything has gone according to protocol, and has been very professional in our experience. We wouldn't be required to pay these agencies (aside from our lawyer) for a failed adoption. But, when things ARE finalized, the balance will be due in one giant chunk, so we still need to be ready. 

If (I guess I should be saying when) we make it back to step 1, there may be another opportunity to meet with the Committee in person if our lawyer thinks it may help. I would jump on that chance. If they think we may be able to show our commitment in another way- living there for a time, getting a psychological evaluation, etc, Here I am. We are just waiting on the word. But for now, that word is WAIT.

As I said, I am able to rest in the peace of knowing God is going to work this out, and given all things mentioned above, I am no longer doubting that this is going to happen the way my heart hopes it will. It may not happen in the timing I thought was perfect, but there is a bigger picture being painted, and it’s not all about me.

Thank you to the many, many people who have helped me to see it could be about the things God could be doing to prepare the heart of any person who has a hand in this. Thank you for giving me affirmation that certain messages may have been meant for me. Thank you to "Both Hands" and "Lifesong for Orphans" for not giving up on us, but putting us on your prayer lists and sending us encouragement and your belief that this will be a success in the end.

Please pray for:

1. Our Both Hands project on June 23^rd and for our team, who will be helping us beautify a local widow’s home, while we raise tax-deductible funds to help meet our adoption fundraising goal. Our current goal has increased due to lawyer fees. Please pray for motivation, for more to join us, for the support letters that will go out, and for people to be moved by this. http://bothhandsfoundation.org/josh-and-jen-prusha.aspx

2. God’s perfect timing. Pray for me to know what he is calling me to do in the meantime (as there are many ideas brewing in my head and heart).

3. Please pray for the new head of the Ministry to find favor in us and to be BOLD in making big things happen. I think she is our best hope in having sway over the Committee.

4. For our boys to stay where they are and not be moved around to another orphanage/group home. I am so thankful for the care they were given back in January when we met with them and love the group home director. She is wonderful, and I can tell she cares for the boys deeply. I hope they are still there.

5. For Josh and I to learn to be okay with sitting in-limbo for another several months.

Thank you to all for the encouragement you’ve given us in so many forms. It is undeniable that’s he’s placed many of you to say the right things at the right times to remind us not to give up. It might have been a word, a donation, support letter, a hug, or a prayer. We’ve felt it all. You are all a part of this beautiful picture God is painting.