Time to Reflect

I found myself hiking solo early this morning after dropping a friend off at the Harpers Ferry train station.  It gave me some much-needed time to think.  This summer I’ve taken many opportunities in those quiet moments to have conversations with myself and God…you’d think I would have had enough by now.  But as it turns out, he I and still have a lot more to say to each other.  

There are many beautiful places in the world, but Harpers Ferry is one of my favorites.  It’s a place of peacefulness, despite it's horrific, bloody history.   It's an old Civil War town with quaint buildings and streets, nestled between two massive rivers.  On this particular morning, I took the opportunity to sit on one of the boulders in the river.  No bikers, no tubers, no fishermen.  Just me, God, jumping fish, and the sound of the crashing rapids. 

Although it feels like we are inching along right now in the adoption process, I have to stop and consider the leap Josh and I have taken in the past year.  Last year at this time, the idea of children was a very, very far thing from our minds.  God has crazy ways of working!  Suddenly, here we are pursuing after three of the greatest gifts he will ever give us. 

I wish we had more than one social/medical report to sustain us for months about the kinds of things these boys are doing, what they’re interested in, and how they may be getting along with each other.  We’re longing to see another dvd, and to see any new smiles or facial expressions they’ve invented since March.  I felt like there was a rush of information in the beginning, now for months…nothing.  I am really hoping that once the agency knows our home study is complete, they will be giving us more updates.  At this time, I don’t feel that we have the right to be so persistent when we aren’t technically “approved” to be their parents yet.    Which is where I find myself doubting this whole situation, and why we were thinking of the boys as “ours” to begin with.  I often feel as though I’m setting myself up for heartbreak. 

But in this particular conversation I had with God today, I am reminded that this process of waiting is a great test of my faith in Him; faith in the miracles he is performing in our lives right at this very moment…even if we can’t see them.  So I have to remember not to doubt God and his plan.  I have to hang on to the three sweet, lovable faces I have in my heart, because that is what motivates me to jump through the hoops, and tackle the endless laundry lists of things we have to do in order to make this happen.  And until He gives us evidence that doors are closing, we have no reason to believe anything different.  This is not even mentioning the question of how we will raise more than $33,000 in order to bring them home.  We are working on some fundraising ideas right now, but at this time, we only have a 1/3 of that amount saved.  Surely this will be another way for God to present his power and greatness as we collect these funds.  Do I think sometimes it would just be easier to grow a family the conventional way?  Of course the thought has crossed my mind a time or two, but this desire God has given us is too great. 

With all this being said, we are still keeping an open mind that anything can happen in this process if God wills it to be.  The foster/adoptive parenting classes we are taking in order to finish our home study will also allow us to welcome foster children into our home if we ever wish to do so.   We have between 40-50 more hours of classes before we are finished with all of our training, and a few more home visits. We have the upstairs bedrooms painted, though they are not finished being decorated.  I promise to show the finished product in months to come.  We have to keep things gender neutral until we know things are more certain, but I will share some of my inspirations for what we will continue doing as we finish the rooms. 

We sincerely appreciate all of the support and encouragement from our family and friends.  We are so blessed to have many people sharing in our excitement of our future family!  If you are willing to pray for us, please pray for things to fall into place, which will allow us to finish our home study by the projected date (mid September). Then we hope to immediately submit our dossier (international adoptions paperwork) to the embassy.  This means Josh (so healthy, he has never visited a doctor in the 4 years we’ve been here!) has to locate a practice and schedule an appointment to get his physical ASAP.  In our area it is not uncommon to have to wait a month or more to be seen as a new patient.  He also has to find the time during work hours to get a TB test.  Please pray that any unknown requirements, classes, or tasks that we need to complete will be revealed to us soon, so we have time to complete them before September.  And of course, please pray for the boys, and the hands that are caring for them. 

Love,

Jen

Heb 11:1 (NIV) Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.


P.S.  I will post about Haiti soon.  I am still adjusting to being home and processing all of the amazing things we were able to experience.