What has happened in the past two months, you ask?  Not much, to be honest.  This is the painful process of waiting…and waiting….and waiting.  Waiting for paperwork to go through; waiting for the next step.  We thought we’d be celebrating one milestone down in our adoption journey-our completed home study, only to get word back on our background checks and learn after 3 months that Josh had to resend his fingerprints, because they were not clear enough.  This a little frustrating when I think about how most states have their prints done on computer now, which would have eliminated this issue for us.  We will most likely have to wait another 3 months to hear back from the state of WV again.  Add a new school year and its challenges, and I am already seeing a bitter, less positive mentality taking over.  I don’t like it. 

Let’s try to be a little brighter, shall we?  We’ve met some really neat people through our PRIDE training classes.  I have no doubt these people will eventually make phenomenal foster and adoptive parents…hopefully sooner than the time it will take go get our boys.  Perhaps we’ll be able to sit for them or serve a respite home for them at some point (when foster families go out of town and need someone to watch the kids). I think we see fostering in our future someday down the road.  How can we not, after first-hand of the great need in our area?  If we weren’t already so attached to our boys so much, foster to adopt would be a great option for us.  I firmly believe God is still leading us this way, though.  I can’t describe the connection we both feel towards them.  He hasn’t closed any doors, just providing more opportunity for us to put our faith in him to let him work everything out according to his glory. 

While we are waiting to send off our dossier with our completed home study, we are looking into fundraising options to bring in over $30,000.  We will be applying for grants, but heard they are very hard to get.  We must present all we’ve done to raise money so far in the journey.  God enables us to do more than we think we are capable of. He provides opportunities, but I don’t foresee us digging up $30,000 in our backyard anytime soon.  We have to be more proactive.  We’ve saved about half the cost so far, but have a long way to go.  Here is what’s in the plan so far:

• We are cutting back on our spending
• I’m looking to get more tutoring jobs after school
• Josh is making some prints to sell on Etsy
• We are looking for things to sell on Ebay
• Josh’s sister, Caitlin, is offering family photo sessions for her photography business at no profit to herself.  She is also helping to design and sell shirts. 
• Someone came up with an idea to have a Zumbathon fundraiser, which I LOVE! 

Does anyone else have ideas?  Would anyone be willing to help put together a benefit?  How could we get the word out?  I’m all ears.  Send me your ideas! 

Perhaps I shouldn’t be posting while I’m in this mood, but I’ve had lot of difficult thoughts lately.  In reading and listening to speakers, and searching my own heart, I know God is calling me to something bigger than myself…bigger than the adoption after it’s all said and done, but I’m afraid.  Afraid of my life being flipped from the comforts I have.  I am learning to let go, but afraid of letting it all go. My safe life here in good ole’ beautiful WV, with awesome friends, a great job, a cozy house.  While listening with our  small group to Francis Chan’s audio book, Forgotten God, I was yet again challenged by an idea he presented.  Why do I want GOD?

Why do we want God? For more power?  of course not. I don’t desire to be powerful.  For a better life?  Well no…I don’t seek God in order to have more blessings in my life.  But the more I thought about it, perhaps I do seek God for a better life.  I seek him, because without him, I don’t know how I’d plow through life’s challenges.  Here I am again, asking God to follow ME through life, and not vice versa.  The question was posed, “Do you want God, because you truly want to KNOW him?”  Well, I thought I did.  But REALLY knowing God means knowing his son, and what he went through.  To suffer. To be rejected, To lose.  Lose everything so he can be glorified? Am I able to willingly ask to know him better, knowing full well that I may be asking for great suffering? I’m working on it.  The book referenced one of my favorite passages, Ephesians 3:16-19. It’s basically a prayer asking God to pour his Holy Spirit in us, strengthening us with a power that can only come from him. That we will finally understand his great love for us.  Great verse, right?  So important I’ve underlined the verses, read them countless times and memorized them to use in my prayers.  But as I looked back into my bible, I realized that I’ve failed to see the importance of the verse directly AFTER it, which shifts from the focus on us to a focus on him.  (Ephesians 3:20).

20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!

Ouch. 

Do other people on this similar journey feel alone, like I do sometimes?  I’m tired of talking the talk.  I’m ready to talk and struggle with the real thing.  The real letting go. What are we waiting for?  

Thanks for keeping up, and for praying!   We can’t wait to share better news with you. 

Love,

Josh and Jen