Faith or Insanity?

Faith?  Or beyond insanity?  Faith or pure denial? I'm not sure which category I am in anymore, but I'd like to think it's faith.

I don't have much to note on, but I want to let you all know we are moving forward with filing the appeal for our boys. It should happen soon, I was told around April 23rd, but I don't doubt it will take longer.  It always does. There's always more involved.

I speak with the lawyer (well, her senior associate) on a daily basis through email and send her many documents. The lawyer was recommended to us through our agency and has helped other families through Adoption Hope International in the past.  I think some of these circumstances turned out favorable, but I don't really even want to know.  It's one of the largest firms in the Baltics.  I might be young, but this adoption process has given me many experiences in dealing with "the system." Things like:

1. Flying to a new country
2. Meeting with people in another culture in a formal setting
3. Wiring money to another country and converting to euros...you know you have to go to your bank to do this?  I sure didn't.  It's not as movie-esque as it might seem.
4.  Understanding and signing important documents and contracts
5.  More legal jargon than I ever cared to know or understand

Our first court hearing concerning the biggest and most important event in our entire lives relies on one person (who has never met us). We will not be in attendance.  How is that for security?

As I understand it, the "committee" is only three people.  Only three people's hearts, and a judge and jury for God to change. Depending on the grounds the committee used to make their decision, "the outcome may not be favorable," in the words of our lawyer. If we win this case, it will annul the decision and the committee meets again to make a new one.  Another impossible challenge.

Our agency and the Minister of the children recommends we fight this. Despite all of this hopelessness, everyone around us is hopeful. I am hopeful. I still feel them. FEEL them. They are a huge part of me. Like I said, I don't know if it's denial and refusal to accept our fate, or if it's God trying to tell me everything's going to be alright. I still can't picture my life without them in it.  I have to hold on to that hope (Hebrews 11:1).

What about fundraising?  We are still fundraising and proceeding as normal. No matter what happens, we will still adopt, God-willing. Right now I can't think about a plan B.

One thing the lawyer said could help would be letters of support. Support in the sense of our commitment to our word, that we are sane, that we do have some experience with children even if we've never raised any of our own. The only problem is we don't have much time to get the letters.  I have to send them off this week.

Please pray for April 23rd, or whenever it ends up happening. Pray for conversations, for strength and for God to do things that are often impossible for us, but not for Him. Pray for him to change hearts.